This is a very bold statement, but I am convinced that it is true. It really is not the actual cheating, but the lack of communication about the cheating, which causes the stress and pressure. Not only can this ‘kill’ the relationship, but it can make you as individuals more vulnerable to illnesses, like heart attack and cancer.
So believe me, you must find a way to get through to the cheater just how much you have been hurt.
Read on to find 3 stages towards making this conversation happen.
Expressing pain is hard, even though you are the victim in this situation. However, it has long been recognized that keeping feelings and emotions to yourself can actually have serious damaging effects on your physical health.
What it does first is lower your immune system function, which then allows illness into your body.
Remember, to keep yourself and the relationship healthy, communication is the foundation of your closeness with your spouse; if you can have these difficult conversations, you can start to move forward.
By improving communication with your spouse, you can start to move through the pain and into a better, more honest relationship. You will rebuild your marriage with an even stronger foundation.
Your communication style may have suffered since you first met; poor communication can become a habit, which may lead to the breakdown of your marriage. But you can relearn these skills.
Here are the 3 stages to begin the re-learning process.
Stage 1: Make the time to communicate.
This has to be a decision that cannot be sidetracked by normal everyday events. So choose a quiet time and a place with no distractions, no deadlines to meet.
Stage 2: Set the ground rules or guidelines.
Your partner must agree to listen without interrupting you, without any shouting or aggression. You should agree to listen to his thoughts on what you have said, once you have finished. He must be allowed to join in the conversation and you must respect each other’s contributions.
Stage 3: Agree to tell the complete truth – it will take a load off your mind.
Use this time to let all the pain out; be totally open about why the affair hurts as it does and the after-effects of the affair.
Good luck when you are having this essential conversation, stop being strong and holding it all in.
Let it go and I promise you will feel better, but it will be wearing and hard to do – even exhausting while it is happening.
Fight the bitterness by expressing it openly. Remember, he let himself down as well as you; he must be dealing with some pain too,which he needs to really open up about to heal the marriage.
It needs to be a team effort to grow past this time together, so always try to keep in mind that he has sorrow too.
While this might appear quite simple advice, simplicity in no way suggests it will be easy. There are many of us who need help and support from others who have experience.
It takes strength to know when to seek guidance.