If you are the victim of a cheating spouse you will have experienced damage in the form of mental and emotional turmoil. Your marriage and self-esteem will have to be saved as well as your relationship if you elect to go that route. But your first priority after the affair is the healing of the anger and pain you are experiencing.
If you are trying to recover from your spouse’s affair or if your marriage has reached a critical point due to neglect, who is responsible for saving it? If you want to save your marriage are you the one to take the reins and steer it towards recovery?
If you take on the task yourself that would be great but it is almost impossible to do it on your own. If your spouse took it upon themself to save it without your help they would most likely fail. It is going to take both you and your spouse working together to save your relationship and marriage.
If you were the one cheated on are you going to wait for your spouse to make the first move at saving your relationship? If you wait for them things may never get done, in fact they have more important things to fix first. Your spouse first needs to make changes to their behavior that led them to infidelity or anything else you try may not amount to much.
When your spouse has started to feel remorse for their actions and you feel comfortable with the prospect of saving the marriage, you can then begin working at the chore ahead. It would also be best if you do not have the infidelity issues to deal with when you start, having that behind you will make the task a bit easier.
You may already realize that you cannot change your spouse and they cannot change who you are. We as humans do not have that kind of power. But what you can do is change who you are because you are in control of yourself. Changing yourself can have the ability to change those around you. In this case your spouse.
Don’t think that because you are changing yourself it is because you did something to cause your spouse to cheat. That is something they did on their own. Any positive changes you make, whether you can save your relationship or not will benefit you as you move forward in life.